bluephinLiving With an Asperger's Child
September 12th 2006 03:30
Three months ago, my five year old son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. When the clinical psychologist gave me the news, I think he expected me to break down and cry, but I didn’t. Not because of any false show of strength but because I wasn’t upset. The strongest emotion I felt was relief. Relief that my son didn’t act the way he did because I was a bad parent and relief that I could finally try and understand the world my son lives in.
Jack was a beautifully placid baby. He slept through the night almost from birth and rarely cried. He loved playing in the water and bath time was definitely a favourite. To me he seemed like the most perfect baby in the world.
I began to notice that something wasn’t right when Jack didn’t develop speech till he was about two. Up until then, if he wanted something he would just scream until I figured out what it was that he wanted. Toilet training Jack was horrible – he developed such an intense phobia of the toilet that he refused to go to the toilet at all, not even in a nappy. This resulted in many trips to the doctors for laxatives and enema’s – not pleasant for a 2 ½ year old.
He also began shutting all the doors in the house. At no point could a door be left open or even ajar, they all had to be shut tight. This was the start of many little obsessions that Jack has developed over time.
When Jack becomes excited or distressed he flaps his hands and pants, like a puppy begging for love. I remember taking him to the movies only a few weeks ago to see Curious George and he was that excited he stood in the aisle, flapping and panting with not a care in the world. I sat in the red, scratchy, theatre chair and cried until I simply did not have any strength left to keep crying. It was at that moment that I realized that my son was different to what we perceive as ‘normal’ and I feared for his future and what it had in store for him.
One of the things I have realized since Jack’s diagnosis is how wonderful my friends and family are. I’ve also realized how quick some people are to judge and dismiss Jack’s condition. I’ve had people tell me that it’s just a label and I’ve had people tell me that he’ll grow out of it. Someone even suggested that it was because his dad didn’t live with us that Jack had this condition. Of course, the people who say these things have never come in contact with a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and have no medical background or knowledge to base their claims on at all.
I believe that whilst Jack may see the world differently to you and me, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the way he views it is wrong. One day, I hope to understand what it is that Jack sees and how he interprets what is around him. For now though, I’ll settle with knowing that things could be much worse and that I’m lucky to have a son who can reciprocate my love and talk to me about all his dreams.
Jack was a beautifully placid baby. He slept through the night almost from birth and rarely cried. He loved playing in the water and bath time was definitely a favourite. To me he seemed like the most perfect baby in the world.
I began to notice that something wasn’t right when Jack didn’t develop speech till he was about two. Up until then, if he wanted something he would just scream until I figured out what it was that he wanted. Toilet training Jack was horrible – he developed such an intense phobia of the toilet that he refused to go to the toilet at all, not even in a nappy. This resulted in many trips to the doctors for laxatives and enema’s – not pleasant for a 2 ½ year old.
He also began shutting all the doors in the house. At no point could a door be left open or even ajar, they all had to be shut tight. This was the start of many little obsessions that Jack has developed over time.
When Jack becomes excited or distressed he flaps his hands and pants, like a puppy begging for love. I remember taking him to the movies only a few weeks ago to see Curious George and he was that excited he stood in the aisle, flapping and panting with not a care in the world. I sat in the red, scratchy, theatre chair and cried until I simply did not have any strength left to keep crying. It was at that moment that I realized that my son was different to what we perceive as ‘normal’ and I feared for his future and what it had in store for him.
One of the things I have realized since Jack’s diagnosis is how wonderful my friends and family are. I’ve also realized how quick some people are to judge and dismiss Jack’s condition. I’ve had people tell me that it’s just a label and I’ve had people tell me that he’ll grow out of it. Someone even suggested that it was because his dad didn’t live with us that Jack had this condition. Of course, the people who say these things have never come in contact with a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and have no medical background or knowledge to base their claims on at all.
I believe that whilst Jack may see the world differently to you and me, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the way he views it is wrong. One day, I hope to understand what it is that Jack sees and how he interprets what is around him. For now though, I’ll settle with knowing that things could be much worse and that I’m lucky to have a son who can reciprocate my love and talk to me about all his dreams.
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Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
The cinema story was very touching...
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Comment by Cinico
Small Business Scope
I mainly included photos of him because he likes to look at them and is amazed as to how they get onto the screen - mind you this leads to dozens of questions that I simply do not have the technological brain to answer!
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Thanks for sharing your story and family with us. I know a little about Aspergers, but I learnt a lot more from your post.
Best wishes.
Comment by Cinico
Small Business Scope
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by MamaB
Seriously? Seriously.
Comment by Cinico
Small Business Scope
Thanks again for your comment.
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Cinico
Small Business Scope
I wish I knew! At the moment he attends a maintstream school - he's in Kindergarten and it was actually his teacher who encouraged me to seek help (and they say some teachers' don't care!).
Alot of children with Asperger's actually develop intense interests in a particular area which they then become extremely knowledgeable in (eg. computers, maths, music etc). They're often highly intelligent and many are in gifted and talented classes.
Jack, at this point, actually struggles with school work. He's been at kindy since January and is still learning things they've covered in Term 1. He is actually having an intelligence test done in the next few weeks to find out if there is a learning disability. I don't believe he has one - I think the issue lies with understanding how he perceives things and then using that as the basis to educate him.
Providing he doesn't fall too far behind, he should be able to stay in a mainstream school, time and effort will tell I suppose!
With schooling, it's not just the intellectual side of things it's the social aspect as well. Jack needs to be taught how to interact with other children and how to play appropriately. Luckily, he attends an absolutely fantastic school which has implemented a number of programs to help him intergrate.
Comment by Threethumbs
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Its interesting to think that maybe his life is better than the average persons in some aspects.
I would love to dance on the street and not care if other people saw me.
really an exelent post.
-threethumbs
Comment by Cinico
Small Business Scope
It's going to be an interesting journey that's for sure!
He often acts differently when we're out (at least to other children) and sometimes people stare (like at the theatre) and I've learnt not to care...so I guess I'll be dancing in the street soon!
Comment by Threethumbs
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i cant wait.
I sing, thats what i do. i have preformed on many occasions, but when just sitting in my room, playing my guitar and singing, if someone comes in. i feel uncomfortable singing...but who cares what these people think anyway? i sing for the joy of singing...and thats how it should be.
I look foward to hearing more about your journey with your son. im behind you 100%
-threethumbs
Comment by Anonymous
i do the same sort of stuff, with the obsessions and all.
this comment in completely pointless, but i thought i'd add to this.
that was a touching story, i like the part about the cinema. he seems like a very sweet kid.
and i read one of the comments, someone said "i would love to just dance on the street and not care about what other people thought" it dosent work like that.
from Amanda. xoxo
Comment by Anonymous
i do the same sort of stuff, with the obsessions and all.
this comment in completely pointless, but i thought i'd add to this.
that was a touching story, i like the part about the cinema. he seems like a very sweet kid.
and i read one of the comments, someone said "i would love to just dance on the street and not care about what other people thought" it dosent work like that.
from Amanda. xoxo